Psalm 7 Why I often mistake punishment for discipline

My only protection in life if from you. Everthing else that appears to be security is an illusion.

I undetstand David when He trys to negotiate with You, God. I often will say to God that punish me if I have really done something intential to someone else, otherwise why am I going through this trial? It feels like punishment, yet I know that I am innocent. Some things I have come to recently realize that in situations like this
1) You are not really punishing me, even though it may feel like that to me. It's like a child confusing punishment for discipline.
2) I'm really not so innocent. Though I didn't intend any harm, I don't really know my self well enought to know what my motives were and after learning to see reality, these are not always as pure as I think they are. They are often loss of control or inability to react correctly which results in further anger by the other person.
3) Because these things go on without my knowledge and are a part of how my unique mind operates, you are kind and forgiving and choose to disciple me. The only real way for me to learn is via a trail so I can believe and learn for my self and grow thru the problem.

Now that I think about it, it makes perfect sense. Its just like being a parent. Iniitially, we want to bypass trials and protect our kids from "bad" experiences. As we mature, we realize that they must respond appropriately and find their own way and that takes time and experience in a growth process that we call a trial. As we mature more, we realize that our kids aren't so innocent after all. They may not realize how their mind works and causes unfavorable reactions to life situations and hostile people, however they are still responsible and accountable for their part of the behavior.

These are all freeing thoughts for me this morning as I realize that all of the above can be fixed, although not quickly. Half the solution any problem is to understand the problem and accept the problem first.